Givin' it up to the Man

For ten years all I could think about was working for myself. To have my own business. So many almosts, near misses till it finally happened. And of course, that first one imploded so quickly that I was out in less than a year. But I still had that itch that wouldn't stop. Thus was born the cafe and the two years of good times/bad times until it went under. We euthanized it and survived.
First the ashes had to settle. First, I went on vacation.
Me and my best girl friend forever who lives in Vermont got a great deal on a fabulous house in the BVI from an old friend. I managed to get away from teenage son, creditors, attorney, house falling apart, dogs. She managed to get away from semi-husband, two little children and ultra-demanding career. She used to have chickens but a coyote ate them.
She pulled an all nighter driving down to my house for a 6:55 am flight. Unfortunately we missed it. So while she took a nap on the floor at the gate, I started drinking screwdrivers at a bar and screwing around on my laptop. It was the beginning of looking for a job.
Truth be told, I haven't really had to look for a job for a long time. After culinary school I went to a top restaurant in Ridgefield and made my case to the chef who hired me for $11 an hour. I told him I was a single mom, very focused, hard worker, no time for nonsense and wanted to work for the best. Apparently, I learned later that not only did he respect me, but my suntanned legs made an impression too and I was hired.
From there, one of my coworkers had gone on to Martha Stewart Living and called me to come be his assistant in the commissary. That job was the beginning of many important relationships, connections and incredible experiences. I was promoted right away, and had to turn it down because my kids were too young for me to work longer hours. Eventually I took the position. I went from permanent free-lance to staff. Benefits, paid holidays, 401k with employer matching. Free People magazines on Fridays. Dental, vision, company credit card. Then even getting a role on a tv series produced by the company.
But I had the bug. I had to be my own boss. And Martha helped me. She got into a little trouble.
And so I and many others were laid off.
Before I even left, I had a call from the wife of a famous movie director who lived in the area asking me to be their personal chef. I agreed to start in September. That way I had the summer off where I was financed by my severance, unemployment and the occasional catering job. And it was good.
While I worked for them I was building the bakery. They were aware of this. I had a job that I was paid extremely well for, great hours and heard movie gossip too. Come the following June I had to leave them because my dream was about to come true.
Because I had the bug. The itch was about to be scratched.
To much fanfare the bakery/cafe opened. It was spectacular. It was an enormous amount of work. But I knew this going in.
In your own business it never, ever ends. Any time you think you might have a normal day, something comes up.
And then of course the thing I never expected to happen was the disintegration of the partnership. I've already gone into this on the blog so I won't repeat but it was a horrific blow.
But- I still had the bug.
That bakery was my child that I gave over to it's father. I left and never looked back. But I needed to have my own child, so I did.
Because we had just shot another season of the tv show I had some money. So, again I was able to take the summer off. I got started on my new place before the papers were even signed on the old place. In September I took a job in a small retail food shop. The money was good, hours pretty good but the boss was a dick. I knew it would be temporary, as did he. I worked, always doing my best but I left at the end of December. I don't even have that place on my resume.
January I started another personal chef job. It was for a hedge fund family in Greenwich. I told them from the start that it would be temporary and that I was in the process of building a restaurant. I told the wife that if she gave me a chance, I believed she would be very happy with my work. Within three days I had the job.
Private chef, an interesting position. Here's why. Generally the money is terrific. And, in my experience the hours are very good. Most of the time I had weekends off. The homes are beautiful, working conditions quite lovely. Top of the line appliances. Usually maids to help with clean up. However, you are a servant. Speak unless spoken too. And sometimes they pull you into family arguments/discussions which can be a little awkward and you have to be extremely judicious in your participation. The job is menial. I get on my hands and knees to wipe the floor. I wash dishes, set the table. And there is a lot of grocery shopping. One of the fun things is all the other household staff. They always love to gossip in the kitchen. In one place I felt like I was the priest and they were constantly confessing to me. Some days were a pretty interesting.
But- I had the bug.
The thrill of watching my place being built and finally opening. Then of course, it's the same thing minus the partner drama. The labor problems, the equipment problems, the customer issues and of course what did us in eventually- the money and the landlord problems.
But you know what happened? The bug went away. Finally after all these years.
I got tired. I got fed up. Those fourteen hour days on my feet for absolutely no money. Sick of being in debt. Really, really exhausted of babysitting temperamental employees. In hindsight some of them should have been fired a while ago but I was just too tired and overwhelmed to deal with it. Also, the window closed. The physical window. Part of me always knew if I was going to go into business I still had to be young enough to keep up with that part of it. And now, approaching fifty the time was drawing to an end.
Not that I can't still do physical aspects of this job. But now my brain and experience are really developed. If I'm not aching and crippled by the end of the week I can give so much more to a job.
And so, I thought of the Man.
The Man has names like Sodexo, Aramark and Unidine. Names that the independents scoff at. I know, because I was one of them. But now, I'm licking my chops to get in there.
I pay over $600 a month for insurance now. The Man covers that. The man gives you three week vacation in the first year. The Man gives you sick days- and get this- personal days. God o Mighty- how I remember the personal days.
Vision, dental, 401k, discounts and most of all, the man gets the headaches.
Not that I don't want responsibility. I have to be a manager of some kind. I know I can't go backwards. And I have a lot to give.
But I am ready to give it up to the Man. I want to go home at night and turn my phone off. Not carry it around and wait for the next crisis. And weekends off so I can see my son play the drum in marching band competitions. See my friends. Have a paycheck. Every week.
In my opinion now, you cannot ignore the bug. You'll always wonder what if. Now I'm stuck with the occasional should've, would've, could've but that's a lot better than a lost opportunity and not obtaining your goals. The bug gave me the best education I ever could have had. So not only do I benefit from that, but the Man will too.