Et tu, Coli?

Those who know me well, really well, know that I am actually a real food safety geek. My kids were raised with having to sing their "abc's" when they washed their hands ( the alphabet song is the approximate amount of time it takes to properly clean one's hands). They were warned NEVER to eat burgers that were pink in the middle (E coli risk for children, elderly and the immuno-compromised), consequently they have both grown up with a taste for dry, grey hamburgers, but they are alive. Whenever I have gone to get re-certified for the NFSA servsafe food handler's license everyone has to put up with my come to Jesus attitude about health and proper sanitation. I've been known to get all Barney Fife up in people's grill too, "Now, whatcha got here (thumbs inserted into elastic waistband of chef pants, chest out) is yer 40-140 degree danger zone!"
Sure, I've had my health department issues in the past(see posts "The Health Inspection" and "Gotcha!") but my problem was more with the messenger than it was with the message.
Many people in the food service business are professional, educated, caring people with a conscience. But the ugly truth is- that they are the minority. Most of the people back in the kitchens of the places you eat at are ignorant, maybe uneducated, perhaps they just don't give a rat's ass (pun intended). It's a job and that's it.
Preparing and serving food is an awesome responsibility. We can kill people. We can do it and not even know it. So much of it is so simple too. Wash your hands. Wash your friggin' hands. You don't need "sanitizer" or "antibacterial" soap. Just warm water, liquid soap, vigorously rub your hands together and get your forearms too.
In New York now, the law is to wear gloves whenever you come in contact with food. But if you scratch your ass or pick your nose, fuhgeddaboutit. Gloves get contaminated too.

So this week I decided to get my re-certification and to go for the New York food handlers license too, in hopes of making myself a more attractive job candidate. I went completely prepared, arrived 20 minutes early, sat in the front and was ready to learn all the latest in biological, chemical and physical hazards, HAACP and FAT TOM (sorry civilians, but this stuff is for the professionals only).
The class didn't really get started for another hour and a half. I could not believe it. My inner Barney Fife was jumping up and down with his eyes popping out.
In dribbles they showed up. Late, texting or playing video games on their phones. they didn't have pencils, they didn't apologize for tardiness. They slouched in their seats and some NAPPED. A young lady behind me today actually was snoring!
In addition to this, the instructor went off on all kinds of cockamamie tangents. Why he voted for Obama, why he's disappointed in him. The health bill and how it's a scam. Black people, white people, how Americans get duped and believe everything they hear.
Where was my FIFO? (that's first in, first out, not as in Barney) What is the proper way to cool a roast over 10 pounds?
When the instructor stayed focused he was really knowledgeable and I learned a lot. But like driving a car with ultra sensitive steering, 1/4 inch to the left and you could run right off the road and get stuck in a ditch.
I bit my lip. I kept my pie-hole shut about him and my classmates. These are your future food handlers, people! The two kids in front of me that kept stretching and playing with their cornrows and rubber bands right over my desk, they'll be making your tuna salad sandwich. Or the kid in the back that texted the whole time might not quite have absorbed the material and will be serving you improperly heated or cooled food, so when you think you just have a 24hr "stomach bug", well, it's not.

All that aside, I did learn. I always pick up new stuff. And as a professional I take pride in doing a better job. Toward the end of the day, the instructor told me that if I were interested there was an advanced food safety course and after that there is an exam to become a proctor. It was a nice side job to have.
Me, a servsafe instructor? Oh joy!!
I've been on tv, I've worked for celebs and have done a lot of things but I've secretly always wanted to teach this course. Because I'm a believer. My kids and I get sick less than anyone I know and besides the luck of good genes, I know in my heart that food safety knowledge has helped to keep us this way.
If I were the instructor-
I'd ban the cellphones.
I'd close the door if they were five minutes late.
I'd whack 'em on the back of their necks when they fell asleep.
I'd stay on point and stress over and over and over again, the awesome responsibility that they are taking on.
I can just see it now, in my best Barney Fife, "Now, look-ey here! Whatcha got to look out for is yer hemolytic uremic syndrome..."