I want to be a baker.
There, I said it.
Pastry chefs get on my nerves to no end. I've shared my stories here. The temperament, the high-maintenance personalities. I am certainly NOT like that.
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| Bundt perfection! |
Of all the stuff I sold or gave away when I moved from my house to my small apartment, the one thing that I regret parting with is the bundt pan that I gave to my daughter. It was a good one, heavy duty with a smooth surface. Why? Because, Goddammit, I love to make bundt cakes! I love the shape of them, how perfectly they come out of that pan. The simplicity. I love to pour icing over them and the way they look when they are done. Among my favorites- zucchini made with olive oil and a lemon crunch icing. Or the chocolate bourbon. Or coffee cake with streusal and cinnamon marbled inside. Oh how I miss that pan!
I loved to teach baking class. I loved the look on student's faces when they saw what they were capable of, whether it was puff pastry with thousands of layers and that perfect crispiness or a layer cake that they had decorated themselves. When petit fours were still in the syllabus, it was among my favorite lessons. There were usually a couple of people who had no patience so they washed dishes. But often there were many who got so into it, cutting mini rounds, glazing, making stunning little confections. It was arts and crafts and such fun.
However, my last couple of baking classes were full of students who saw baking as something to just "get through" so they could move on to their next class. I'd had reluctant or insecure bakers before but at least they were open to trying. Most of these folks wouldn't even give it that much. They put no creativity into it and were rude. They only wanted to eat the product, usually right away with out even displaying or discussing. I started to resent them.
Did they not see the miracle that was puff pastry? That by folding dough over a few times how it would transform once it had baked, with all those layers? Or kneading bread dough, smelling the yeast and feeling the pull of the gluten in their hands? What I found therapeutic, they saw as work and complained about being tired.
They didn't like the good quality baking chocolate either. Didn't we have any milk chocolate?
Compared to the earlier classes that I had, the low energy sucked the life out of me. When I was moved to teaching a different module I was relieved.
Right before I was canned from the job though, another chef and I switched classes one evening. His lesson was pate a choux and my class was serving their dinner menu. I could see his class was hungry for information. To know a little about how and why. I wanted to give it to them and baking is not the other chef's passion, so we traded.
With gusto I jumped right in. I went over their mis en place and demo'd how to make pate a choux. They got it and were excited about it. Then I showed them how to make pastry cream, which is very technique driven. One by one, they all did it. Seeing those ingredients go from their original form to a thick vanilla pudding-like consistency was very amazing to them. No one's curdled, they all came out beautifully.
Unfortunately the oven in that kitchen runs too hot and the pate a choux came out too dark, in fact almost burnt. But the students still got the principles of the lesson and I saw I still had passion for teaching it.
Back to me now. As I pour through the help wanted ads on Craiglist I don't even open the executive chef ads. Sous chef, line cook- nah, not for me. Baker keeps catching my eye. Then I feel a touch of remorse for the gorgeous bakery that was once mine, with the deck oven, double stacked convection, 20 qt and 60 qt mixer, etc, etc. Now I'm looking at junior level baking jobs?
I guess it goes back to basics. At that bakery I frantically ran the hot line and tended to catering and HR issues. Once in a while I got to make some cookies. For the most part though, I never got to bake, especially with an egotistical partner who was the true baker.
Yet, he taught me a lot. I admit, I have heard his voice inside my head many times when I am creating something delicious. Teaching baking also drummed in more technique and process for me. I did things that I had always been intimidated by and had never had the chance to practice. Now, I am really good at those things.
Perhaps during this period while I am figuring out next steps- I go for the baking jobs. I will reach out and test the waters and see about a part time position. Maybe I am ready to step away from the flaring fires of the macho hot-line. The greasy spills and raw chicken. Could it be that now in these uncertain times that I need precision- weighing ingredients, tempering chocolate and blooming yeast? A little quieter pace and room in my head to think?
I think it's time to find out...
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