Regeneration 101

You know how they say that the body completely rebuilds itself with entirely new cells in a certain amount of time? (Sorry- I remember the concept but not the figures). Well, the same thing goes for the restaurant business.
I guess some of the bones are still the same. Like me and one or two others, mainly family. But the rest changes, changes and changes.
Thus we are constantly re-generating new cells here.
The manager we had when we first opened was let go after a couple of months. He died less than a year later.
One of the first cooks I hired didn't show up on his third day.
We went through waitstaff like most people go through underwear. Only one lasted more than a year and I let her go in January.
A mean crazy pastry chef walked.
Dishwashers were the worst.
They come and they go. Sometimes they come back. I get attached to some but I've learned to let go quickly. Firing people is the worst job on earth. Maybe cleaning septic tanks is a little worse but at least nobody hates you for it and curses you out afterwards.
I just went through a period of being very short staffed. This is when you learn who is really dedicated and comes through for you. Luckily I have a few of those.
Having now been through this before I put my nose to the grindstone and just made myself get through it. When a waitress started sobbing and ran out the door I figured it would be a good idea to make a couple of phone calls for a replacement.
When the cook took off back to Mexico, I decided I better place an ad for a new one.
In the meantime, I informed all friends and family that I'd be out of commission to cover these positions while in crisis mode. That I'd be working double time till we filled in the cracks.
By day I waitressed. I still have my chops, I still got the moves but my lord, it is exhausting having to deal with the people constantly! Why can't they order water, ketchup, coffee, more napkins, etc. all at once instead of making the server run back and forth 15 times? And hearing that bell ringing in the kitchen for pick-up when you are trying to place an order in the computer, answering the phone for take-out and interrupted by some grubby little kid that's being led in by a parent just to use the bathroom. It's one thing when I walk around and pitch in, greeting customers. It's a whole other game when half of the tables are mine and I've got to service them all.
Then lunch is over and the chef coat goes on. Now I'm a cook. Tons of prep has to be done. Specials? Have I had a moment to think, to be creative? That would be a no. Front of the house is exhausting in that you've got to keep your face on, but back of the house is more exhausting physically. All the prep and set-up. The organization of your station. Working in all the heat and being quick, quick, quick. Timing it all with your fellow cooks on the line. At this point someone else was helping out a bit and she and I had not worked together before. This is like dancing with a new partner. You tend to step on each other's feet a bit in the beginning. If we get lucky, we get busy and the adrenaline flows. Before you know it we're done. But the worst part of being a cook is the clean-up. It just never seems to end. Every blessed thing that you had to take out for set-up you have to now clean up. And all kids know it's a lot more fun to take your toys out than to have to put them away.
In one week I had the new daytime server.
In two weeks I had the new night cook and had him trained.
And now, after three weeks I get a night home with my grumpy teenage son. The organism has regenerated itself with new cells, and will continue to grow. The crisis has passed again, for now. Till the next time.

Attack of the Web " Foodies"

Here is something that really cranks my craw.
The foodie websites.
I admit, I read 'em. A lot. I'm checking out the competition. I'm seeing if anyone wrote about my place. I live in fear that one of my servers is going to do something rude or unprofessional and one of these people will write one of their little "reviews" about it. Or, one of the rare times that something comes out of the kitchen poorly done- it goes to one of them and they write it up.
Everyone is a critic now. It's bad enough that there are real critics, published with followings. One, from a major newspaper that I live in fear of is like 80-something years old and is a little cranky. She tends to review places when they have just opened and NOBODY has their act together in the first 3 months. I'm sorry. It just takes some time. I was terrified that she'd come to us when we first opened this place but she didn't. And she still has not, so now I feel like we're being snubbed. And yet, she could walk in any moment and we'll be under the microscope unbeknownst to us.
But- my pet peeve as I said before are the "foodie" bloggers and commenters on blogs.
Here is my favorite.
A new place will be opening. In one case it was a Crumbs bakery. These people have nothing better to do than to write about when are they opening, "I looked in the window the other day but nothing was going on",or, "I hope it 's better than so and so's". If I weren't going to get kicked off of the thread I'd write "why don't you people get a friggin' life? Do you not have anything better to do?" Looking in windows, for crying out loud and then reporting that nothing was going on.
Then they start the countdown. "Opening in 5 days!!". Then they start up with "Crumbs, not opening on time". Then the know-it-alls come on and tell why- because of the zoning permits or some other way to show what a big-shot they are that they know the behind the scenes story.
Then "saw a light on in Crumbs, could they be opening??". Crickey mate! Shouldn't you people be working or helping poor people? They'll open and sell their damn cupcakes one of these days.
Finally, "Crumbs, Open!!"
Then the posts about getting free samples, the lines were too long. We didn't get our free samples, the employees didn't even know we were supposed to get free samples...
And next, the dump.
"Crumbs, not so great"
" Yeah, I tried 15 different flavors and though the red velvet was pretty good they seemed pretty commercial tasting"
"The layout of the store is weird. And the help wasn't very good"
And on and on. I swear, one of these things had a thread about 27 posts long about this nonsense.
Then there's the difference in perception. Most of the bloggers seemed to think my prices are reasonable especially for the quality of the food. Then some other moron gets on and says that we're kind of pricey and the portions are skimpy (they're not).
Some people are just plain crazy, behave badly in the restaurant and unfortunately they have computers where they like to vent in a public forum. Yet I am not allowed to go on too and say "this person is mentally unstable and is unfit to be a reviewer"
There's one guy on a foodie website,(and by the way, I absolutely hate the term "foodie") who is so pompous and such a know-it-all that he thinks it is his place to welcome new posters on the website, like it's his home and he's answering the door in his smoking jacket with a pipe in his mouth, "come in", he says, "welcome". He also writes in the third person, an incredibly obnoxious writing style. His identity is that he is supposed to be his dog writing about his owner's opinions. How are we supposed to take him seriously?
But I am a slave to the public. As I walk around my dining room smiling and talking with my customers I wonder. Who are these people? Are they the same ones I read who sit up at night and critique me? Is the dog-man sitting in my place right now? Is he someone I actually know? That's why you have to suck up to everybody. Because you never know who's an amateur critic waiting to put you down.

Holy Moly week

Easter, Passover, Good Friday, Lenten promises, no leavening, no meat, no school, no business and, a full moon to boot.
Last year it was our first year in business. The pastry chef walked out two days before a fully booked Easter Sunday brunch. (See post "Chefs v Pastry Chefs" for my philosophy on that topic) I was also going through new dishwashers at a pace of roughly every two weeks (see post, "Lazy-ass Americans").
But, I pulled it together. I asked my buddy Dave to come in and help out. He pitched right in, we worked our behinds off, my remaining kitchen crew came through and it was a success after all. My fondest memory was at about midnight Saturday night after service when we were still prepping for the next morning when 6'4" Dave started doing a pole dance on a column over in the pastry area. We were just loopy at that point.
Here it is, a year later. It's the same thing with these holidays. Make extra fish dishes for the Catholics who are observing Lent- guess what? Everyone orders meat that day. Let's make sure to have options for our Jewish customers without flour or leavening- then we run out of cupcakes by 12:30. You just can't second guess this stuff. We stayed open for dinner the first night of Passover. About 5 tables filled up right away. By 7:30 we were dead. I did a stroll over to spy on my Chinese neighbors, empty. Even the dirty diner next to them, empty. So we called it quits. Tonight, second night of Passover I decided to close after lunch. Now I know I will come in tomorrow with all kinds of messages from people trying to make reservations and leaving snippy voice mails about being closed.
Then Easter- we have got barely any reservations. I have really low-balled the food order. I don't want to over order and lose any profit that we might make. Now watch, the book will fill up and we'll be scrambling to stretch what we have.
Then the labor department. My favorite.
I lost my Mexican muchacho. He came in practically in tears to say his father had a heart attack in Mexico, his mother is hysterical and he is the one that the family had elected to go back to help them. Not only does he not know how long he'll be there for, but if he can even come back to the U.S. for certain. Okay, so I guess that means I'm cooking for a few extra nights, eh? Adios mi amigo. Hope to see you again one day.
Next, a very good waitress of mine gave me notice. Which was fine, it happens. When I told her today that I had replaced her and was releasing her 3 days early she freaked on me. That kind of came out of left field.
Meantime I have been trying to hire an extra server to fill in some gaps. But between the cook and the other server it's like trying to keep water from pouring through a leaky bucket. Every time you plug one leak, another opens up.
But the truth is, I've learned a lot. Last year, we made it through. I became the baker until we found another person who is not only talented in the kitchen but a delight to just have around. I hate to call her a pastry chef because she doesn't have that persona. And she can fill in on the line- so she can step in while I try to get me another Mexican. And, I have a pretty awesome dishwasher who's been with me for almost a year.
The waitress was leaving to begin with, she's been mumbling and unhappy for a while.
The new gal coming in actually used to work for me and after having some tough times out in the world she has a pretty humble attitude and is very grateful for the opportunity to come back.
So- I'll be filling in some spaces for a while. I'll be cooking a little more. I'll be waiting tables a little more. I'll be tired, sore and crabby. On the other hand I will have the chance to be in touch with the food again. I can develop some new dishes and strengthen some others. My co-servers on the floor will be happy when I work with them because they get all the tips. I will find new help because you always do. I hate to say it but everyone is replaceable. Some are just harder than others to replace but it's an ever evolving process this business. And it only seems to be more so around holidays. Like holy week. Care for some matzoh?

The Health Inspection

I expected the inspector. She was supposed to make a return visit to check on corrections that she wanted me to have done. They were ridiculous things for as I have learned, the health inspectors in my town are on some kind of crazy power trip and go to real extremes. Every time they come they change the rules.

So far today it's the usual. The day crew is prepping for lunch. I answer e-mails, set up the cash drawer, call the produce company because they are late with the order. I have to hire a new server so I am going through resumes. I then leave for a while to take care of some errands and as I am pulling into my space behind the cafe I get the dreaded call that the health inspector has just shown up.

Now, let me just say that I run a very, very clean kitchen. I am disgusted by some of my fellow restaurateurs- there is some pretty nasty shit out there. My place is new, up to all codes and kept meticulously clean. However, I have learned that that doesn't matter with this particular health department. When the health inspector came last month she got me on all kinds of ridiculous little nits IE- sanitizer must be kept in a RED bucket. So I made a point of correcting all of these stupid little things because I have such pride in my place and I want to score really high.

When I get inside instead of the woman who came in last month I see a completely different person from the health department. He tells me that this is not my re-inspection, but that this is a new inspection entirely (what the f---?). Because they are going to post restaurant inspections on line now, they are going to do them all over again. (I repeat, what the f---?)

So he proceeds to inspect. And if I thought the previous inspector was a nit-picker, forget it compared to this one. I see that he keeps circling things on his paper and it's making me frantic. A server drops a glass behind the bar and it shatters. As I help him sweep I silently give thanks that the ice bin was closed when this happened or I would have been emptying it all out for safety. By the way, lunch service was in full swing and the place was packed when this was going on. Then, my father who is a partner in the business and is 76 years old and seems to go behind that bar like a magnet when we are busy and there is no room for another person, let alone a person who moves a little slowly, proceeds to drop the cover to the ice bin on the floor with yet another big crash. I make a big production out of carrying it to the dishwasher to be sanitized. I keep waving to my father to GO AWAY- GET IN THE BACK! Next the annoying sound of my cell phone- it's my son's guidance counselor finally returning my calls regarding my son's failing his math class. "Uh, health inspector is here, can I call you right back?". One of the cooks forgets to put on a hat. The FIRST thing you do when the health inspector comes is TO PUT ON A HAT.

It just felt like some kind of amateur hour. Every time I turned around it seemed someone was doing something stupid that would cost us another point.
Finally when he was done scoring I sat with him and he had failed us.

This really disturbed me. I try so hard but they keep coming up with new laws, new regulations that they don't inform us on. Crazy, crazy stuff. I said to him, "would you eat here?" because that is the mark of a clean restaurant, if the health inspector eats there. He said, "Oh, of course!". I said "I'll bet there are plenty of places in town that you wouldn't eat at" and he kind of laughed and nodded in agreement.

So now I have more stuff to fix. And pay for . And I am humiliated. In my old town where I ran kitchens I always scored 100. My lowest was a 92. A failure here is 80, which is what we got. If they published any of my violations I wouldn't give a damn because they have nothing to do with preparing and storing food safely. No, my menus don't say "not cooking meat, poultry and eggs to proper temperature may cause foodborne illness", but a -4 points for this crap?? I use a towel to anchor my cutting boards. I always have. I learned this in school. I have never been advised otherwise. -2 points now, must use some kind of rubber matting instead. The inspector didn't even know what the hell the mat is called. Or where to get it for that matter.

He'll be back in 2 weeks. In that time I have to get everything together. Go over safety rules with my staff. Move this, change that, the bathroom door doesn't swing closed by itself. Really, I say yet again, what does this have to do with food safety?

Having respect for food, cleanliness and concern for customer's safety just isn't enough I suppose.